Friday, June 11, 2010

World Cup Is Here

Well, it’s finally upon us, the moment we have all been waiting for – England’s first match in the South Africa World Cup against the Stars & Stripes of the USA.

Football fever has struck the staff at Eflex Computers like a plague of feisty jockstraps, and they have all been filing into Gary’s makeshift Big Brother Diary Room to give us their views on our nations’ chances.

Opinions differ wildly, but here’s what they had to say:

Jan – well I think as long as they all get a decent cup of tea at half time, and they don’t over-do it in the warm up they have a great chance. I don’t think Heskey will ever score for his country, because he doesn’t for Villa. But I hear he makes a good cuppa, so maybe that’s why he’s in the squad?

Alex – Milner and Heskey will win it for us! And Joe Hart will save thirteen penalties. The Midlanders will win it for England, I stake my moustache on it!

Kirstie – Beckham will be the hero. He always has been. He’s so cute. They call him Golden Balls don’t they? Well, that’s because he has the golden touch whenever he strokes his balls around the playing surface…what? He’s injured? Oh. Uhm. Well, I don’t know then…

Paul – as a player myself, I just wish I was there. I could add so much to the team. I score more than Heskey, and I play in a better team. I could teach him a thing or two, or maybe three. Scoring is easy. It’s a simple game. Just gimme the ball, and I’ll score. They call me ‘The Doog’, you know? After Derek Dougan, you know him? Ace player, and they say I’m just as good in the air…

(There’s a knock on the Diary Room door at this point, and Gary comes in to tell Paul that he’s dreaming, waffling, and wasting time, there’s still computers and cheap laptops to build, so get to it!

Paul comes back to Earth, blinks a few times, realises where he is, and leaves feeling a little disoriented).

Gary – the way I see it is this, we should have got Mourinho in as soon as Inter Milan won the Champions League, we should have sacked Capello and pounced on Jose. He’s the man. The FA should have acted quickly, and got him at all costs, three million, ten million, fifty million, money doesn’t matter they wasted enough on those other losers. Mourinho’s the special one. He’d get the England boys up and running. With all those Chelsea players in the squad, he’d have bonded so well, he’d have spurred them to new heights - mainly how to win a bloody game without giving us all cardiac arrests! It’s an opportunity missed in my book. Capello is just another Sven & McClaren disguised as Postman Pat. What good is having a cartoon character as manager of the national team? It’s a joke…

(There’s another knock on the door – it’s Alex, Jan, Paul and Kirstie telling Gary to stop ranting and get back to work! Gary gets up, has a dizzy spell, and calls for a medic).

Never mind Gary. We all have an opinion on football. But when it comes to the national team in a major tournament all that really needs to be said is – Come on En-ger-land!

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